Latest on the Evil Wikipedia Cabal

A diabolical cabal stalks Wikipedia. It monopolizes the editing, breaks every rule in the book and then enforces the same rules against everyone it doesn't like, throws people off for no reason, and then hilariously pretends to be objective.

Wikipedia, from the sleazy porn merchant God in Flesh Jimbo on down, is like a conspiracy-riven Arab dictatorship. Nobody's honest, nobody's decent, everyone's corrupt, and you never know when it's going to be you with the knife in the back mumbling, "Et tu, Brute?"

Essjay, a top Wikipedia administrator, has resigned after a wicked mailing list was uncovered that revealed top administrators plotting to break rules to keep their nefarious activities shrouded in Cheney-like secrecy.

He also cleverly faked an entire persona as a university professor, gay, living with a partner named Robbie, with a cat named Mia and a lab named Ami.

He made up the following degrees for himself: Bachelor of Arts in Religious Studies (B.A.), Master of Arts in Religion (M.A.R.), Doctorate of Philosophy in Theology (Ph.D.), Doctorate in Canon Law (JCD). He rapidly made his way up the Wikipedia ladder. At the end, he held the following positions, despite his massive fraud:

1. Administrator, En-Wikipedia


2. Administrator, Wikiquote


3. Administrator, Meta-wiki


4. Administrator, Wikimedia Commons


5. Checkuser oversight


6. Bot Approval Group


7. Handles user renaming requests


8. Bureaucrat


9. Bureaucrat


10. Official Freenode Group contact


11. Owns and operates Vandalism Control Network


12. Chairman of Mediation Committee


13. Election official, Board of Trustees 2006 election


14. 17,000 edits

He appeared to have absolutely no life whatsoever outside of editing Dorkipedia 14 hours a day, and many wondered how he was able to handle a full teaching load at the university in spite of this.

He always cloaked his IP, and no one was ever able to figure out who he was. Some were convinced he was working for an intelligence agency or he was actually a committee, not a single person.

When he was finally uncovered, the slimeball Jimmy Wales defended Essay's fraud.

Figures.

Hey Jimmy Wales.

You're a dick.

Essjay is gone. That big black box suggests that he is dead, and for a moment, my heart leapt to the skies. But unfortunately he's only been killed from Wikipedia .

Like most crooks, he protests his innocence til the end.

Bye Essjay. You will not be missed.

This exercise in mass corruption is insanely hailed the purest form of democracy in modern society. Fine, maybe it is. In that case, give me Stalin. I'd probably stay alive longer under him anyway. Stalin may have been a bastard, but he was never a crook.