Blog Advertisers Really Suck

We've seen your lamesite and we love it!

We see that your traffic rank is 303,564.

And your link popularity is 64.

Also, you have been online since 7/31/2000.

We will send a small team of Iberian explorers to conquer your blog and kill any Indians who get in our faces about it. Give us 5,000 men, Oh Queen, and we will loot and plunder Lindsay's crappy blog and pay you $1 million reals cash in ten years. That's how we colonize, baby!

It's hard to find men for the expedition, forget about women. Who the Hell wants to go live in Lindsay's blog anyway, it's too hot, it's jungle, it's full of hostile Indians and there's no Mediterranean breeze. I'll stay on the Mancha, thank you. Only losers colonize Lindsay's blog, the rest of us stay in the Motherland.

I think these guys are lying.

I'm wondering if being in the top 300,000 blogs on the Net is even any good. Why blog? For the lulz.

This blog was designed from the very start to suck and suck hard and long and never give up. It's antisocial and it is designed to attract other antisocials. Sociopaths do have a kind of freedom, do they not? Not like the rest of us who live in these little sort of prisons.

We're losing readership right and left. We are going out of business. Closing sale now. Clearance, all blog posts 50% off of their worthless value. Come one, come all, come to the losingest blog of them all, the largest in Madera County, hated by most county denizens, with 1,700 readers a day, can you beat that?

Internet ad salesman are like jerks who come into your house and try to buy your stuff for nothing. They're like shady employers who lurk outside your door, saying, "Dude! I'll pay you hardly even any fucking money at all for letting me plaster my company name all over your property!"

Most people would just say, "Hmmm, I don't think so, man. I ain't that broke," and you're thinking, "You know what? FUCK you and the horse you rode in on!" Something for nothing, something for nothing, that's all they ever sing. So many people fall for it. Why bother at $60 a tank?

I AM an Ego Blogger in the Lazysphere! That is all I am. My life means nothing. Soon I will be nothing more than a slab of meat on a cold floor for someone to cut up like a cow.

I blog, therefore I am.

Note: Readers should carefully read the Commenting Rules before commenting to avoid having their comments edited or deleted and to avoid being banned from the site.